I apologize for being such a blog slacker. Now that Hannah is here, I am sure you can understand that I have less time for blogging. At least we're still getting schoolwork done!
Hannah is now 15 weeks old. She's still a tiny thing and people think she's a newborn when we're out. Yesterday, she wore her fist 0-3 month sized outfit, but many of them are still too big for her. She's now cooing and has the beginnings of a laugh. She hold her head up like a champ and has even rolled from front to back a few times. Her back is getting much stronger too and I think that in a few more weeks, she'll be able to play in the Jumperoo and exersaucer. She has a TON of hair and I have been having fun styling it already!
For Memorial Day weekend, Hannah went on her first camping trip. She was a champ! Her daytime naps were shorter, but she still slept all night long, like usual. I was slightly nervous about how she'd do, but since she did so well, we are considering some more camping trips now. I won't have any pics of that until I get my friend's pics. I did remember to bring the camera, but I forgot the memory card. It was still in my laptop, so I wasn't able to take any pics.
Despite her tiny little belly, Hannah drinks 6 ounce bottles now. She was still having issues with formula, so I now have a friend who pumps milk for Hannah. I was never able to bring in a milk supply. When Hannah can get at least 8 ounces of breastmilk a day, she is less fussy, less gassy, and does not get constipated. When she has only formula for more than two days (like when we went camping last weekend), she gets constipated again and is in obvious discomfort. I am so grateful for my friend and for the Lord's provision for Hannah in this area. I know it may seem weird to some people, but I am a firm believer that breastmilk really is best for a baby, and I see the difference it makes for her. I am also excited about the health benefits she can now receive.
Hannah will be going in for her 4 month check up on the 18th, so I'll have an official weight and length for you then. The "me standing on the scale alone and then with Hannah method and subtracting the difference method" gave me a weight of ten and a half pounds.
We have had two of our required three post-placement visits with the social worker. I will be calling on Monday to set up the third visit and then we can start the legal paperwork for finalizing the adoption and making her legally ours. I have not heard anything from Hannah's birthmother, so I don't know how they are doing.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Two months old!
So I haven't updated the blog in forever. Can you tell I have an infant? :) Hannah is two months old today, so I figured it was time for an update!
Two months have passed and Hannah is getting big! Well, not really. She’s still such a little peanut, but she’s starting to act more like a baby and less like an infant. She just had her two month check up this morning and she now weighs 8 lbs 10 oz and is 20.5 inches long. It’s funny to me, because she is two months old now and that is Nathanael’s weight and length at birth! She is still wearing newborn sized clothing, but she is getting bigger because those used to be too big on her. The 0-3 month clothing is way too big and it will still be awhile before she can fit into that size. Last week, she moved from newborn sized diapers to size 1.
She is doing very well physically, although she is still struggling with reflux. The zantac medicine she was on seemed to be helping her at first, but then it stopped being effective. So she is now on a medicine called prevacid. Now that that has had time to really get into her system, it seems to be helping her more than the previous medicine. She still has episodes where you can tell the reflux is really bothering her and it upsets her, but hopefully she will outgrow that. Now that her reflux is under control, she has fewer episodes of the congestion she previously struggled with. Hannah is doing really well on the schedule I put her on. She no longer has her days and nights mixed up and now has a predictable routine. She is only waking once at night to eat around 4 or 5 and usually goes right back to sleep until about 8. Hannah takes 4 ounce feedings most of the time. She is getting really good with her head. She holds it up very well and looks all around now. She knows our voices and recognizes our faces. She watches us whenever we are near and knows when we have left the room and cries. She stops crying immediately as soon as someone picks her up. She definitely likes to be snuggled. She loves being in the baby sling I made for her and is as happy as can be whenever I put her in there. She is smiling much more often now and is starting to make noises when you talk to her. We have a baby activity mat and she now enjoys laying there and staring at the toys that hang down. She isn’t able to swing at them yet, but she does sometimes hit them accidentally and somehow she got the little hanging frog toy into her mouth the other day and was sucking the heck out of his legs. It was pretty cute.
The boys are still madly in love and they still enjoy helping to take care of her. Nathanael enjoys giving Hannah a bottle. Luke likes to do it sometimes, but he doesn’t usually make it through the whole feeding before I have to take over. Micah is the binky police. When her pacifier falls out and she starts crying, he still comes running and says, “Uh oh. Where binky go?” We have to watch out with him, because he seems to think she needs to always have it and he sometimes tries to shove it in her mouth when she is asleep. They like to help burp her and still take pride in introducing her to friends who haven’t seen her yet. Luke wanted to lay her on his blanket the other day and surround her with his favorite stuffed animals so she could have a nap. He is very attached to his stuffed animals and blanket, so this was a big deal for him. He gave me a heart attack the other day by calling out, “Mama, I am holding Hannah, but I’m not going to drop her.” I ran in there to find that he had picked her up because he wanted to hold her. We now have a don’t pick Hannah up without mama’s permission rule. Apparently, he wanted to walk with her around the house and give her a tour but he was not holding her properly. She was fine, but she did look like, “What in the world is going on here?” He also wanted to put her in the trampoline so she could play. He just doesn’t understand that she can’t enjoy everything he enjoys right now. The boys can’t wait until she is bigger because they want to play Barbies with her. I told them that Barbies are for girls (they wanted me to buy them some) so they decided they will play with hers, once she has some. They have no idea that by the time she is old enough for Barbies, they will want nothing to do with them! They are loving all the girlie colored items in the house and have decided that pink and purple are their new favorite colors. It cracks me up. Luke and Nathanael even picked pink and purple Easter baskets for the egg hunts we were going to.
I was reminded on Easter morning, as I held Hannah in my arms, of how symbolic adoption is of our relationship with Christ. The Bible says that we are sinners and that because of that sin, we are separated from God. Someone had to pay the price for our sins, so that we could be reunited with God. So God sent His son Jesus to earth as a child to be raised by another. He would grow up and then take our sins upon himself and pay that price by dying, so that we could be reunited with God. Adoption is a lot like that. On one hand you have a Father, who gives up his Son, even though he knows it will be painful, because He knows it is what is best. That makes me think of the sacrifice that our birthmother made and how God was kind of like a birth parent in that situation. Then on the other hand, you have Jesus who did whatever he needed to do so that God’s children could be reunited with Him. That makes me think of us and all the things we had to go through and the cost we had to pay to be approved to bring Hannah into our home. It just made me think of Easter in a different way this year, and how God must see adoption in a special way to put so much symbolism into it. He must really understand all the emotions involved with adoption because he’s been on both sides of it, in a way. I just thought it was interesting.
I will post some new pictures in a bit.
Two months have passed and Hannah is getting big! Well, not really. She’s still such a little peanut, but she’s starting to act more like a baby and less like an infant. She just had her two month check up this morning and she now weighs 8 lbs 10 oz and is 20.5 inches long. It’s funny to me, because she is two months old now and that is Nathanael’s weight and length at birth! She is still wearing newborn sized clothing, but she is getting bigger because those used to be too big on her. The 0-3 month clothing is way too big and it will still be awhile before she can fit into that size. Last week, she moved from newborn sized diapers to size 1.
She is doing very well physically, although she is still struggling with reflux. The zantac medicine she was on seemed to be helping her at first, but then it stopped being effective. So she is now on a medicine called prevacid. Now that that has had time to really get into her system, it seems to be helping her more than the previous medicine. She still has episodes where you can tell the reflux is really bothering her and it upsets her, but hopefully she will outgrow that. Now that her reflux is under control, she has fewer episodes of the congestion she previously struggled with. Hannah is doing really well on the schedule I put her on. She no longer has her days and nights mixed up and now has a predictable routine. She is only waking once at night to eat around 4 or 5 and usually goes right back to sleep until about 8. Hannah takes 4 ounce feedings most of the time. She is getting really good with her head. She holds it up very well and looks all around now. She knows our voices and recognizes our faces. She watches us whenever we are near and knows when we have left the room and cries. She stops crying immediately as soon as someone picks her up. She definitely likes to be snuggled. She loves being in the baby sling I made for her and is as happy as can be whenever I put her in there. She is smiling much more often now and is starting to make noises when you talk to her. We have a baby activity mat and she now enjoys laying there and staring at the toys that hang down. She isn’t able to swing at them yet, but she does sometimes hit them accidentally and somehow she got the little hanging frog toy into her mouth the other day and was sucking the heck out of his legs. It was pretty cute.
The boys are still madly in love and they still enjoy helping to take care of her. Nathanael enjoys giving Hannah a bottle. Luke likes to do it sometimes, but he doesn’t usually make it through the whole feeding before I have to take over. Micah is the binky police. When her pacifier falls out and she starts crying, he still comes running and says, “Uh oh. Where binky go?” We have to watch out with him, because he seems to think she needs to always have it and he sometimes tries to shove it in her mouth when she is asleep. They like to help burp her and still take pride in introducing her to friends who haven’t seen her yet. Luke wanted to lay her on his blanket the other day and surround her with his favorite stuffed animals so she could have a nap. He is very attached to his stuffed animals and blanket, so this was a big deal for him. He gave me a heart attack the other day by calling out, “Mama, I am holding Hannah, but I’m not going to drop her.” I ran in there to find that he had picked her up because he wanted to hold her. We now have a don’t pick Hannah up without mama’s permission rule. Apparently, he wanted to walk with her around the house and give her a tour but he was not holding her properly. She was fine, but she did look like, “What in the world is going on here?” He also wanted to put her in the trampoline so she could play. He just doesn’t understand that she can’t enjoy everything he enjoys right now. The boys can’t wait until she is bigger because they want to play Barbies with her. I told them that Barbies are for girls (they wanted me to buy them some) so they decided they will play with hers, once she has some. They have no idea that by the time she is old enough for Barbies, they will want nothing to do with them! They are loving all the girlie colored items in the house and have decided that pink and purple are their new favorite colors. It cracks me up. Luke and Nathanael even picked pink and purple Easter baskets for the egg hunts we were going to.
I was reminded on Easter morning, as I held Hannah in my arms, of how symbolic adoption is of our relationship with Christ. The Bible says that we are sinners and that because of that sin, we are separated from God. Someone had to pay the price for our sins, so that we could be reunited with God. So God sent His son Jesus to earth as a child to be raised by another. He would grow up and then take our sins upon himself and pay that price by dying, so that we could be reunited with God. Adoption is a lot like that. On one hand you have a Father, who gives up his Son, even though he knows it will be painful, because He knows it is what is best. That makes me think of the sacrifice that our birthmother made and how God was kind of like a birth parent in that situation. Then on the other hand, you have Jesus who did whatever he needed to do so that God’s children could be reunited with Him. That makes me think of us and all the things we had to go through and the cost we had to pay to be approved to bring Hannah into our home. It just made me think of Easter in a different way this year, and how God must see adoption in a special way to put so much symbolism into it. He must really understand all the emotions involved with adoption because he’s been on both sides of it, in a way. I just thought it was interesting.
I will post some new pictures in a bit.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Local Photographer Recommendation
A note for my local friends.......
We just had a session at Portrait Excellence on Friday (it was a gift) and I have to tell you that lady is awesome! Her name is Beverly Toves and she is the one who does the pictures hanging at the local pediatric offices and at our adoption agency. She and her assistant were so great with my boys and I think she got a lot of good photos. I had a great time talking with her and getting to know her a little. She showed me some of the raw ones on her camera and I can't wait to see them all.
While I was there, Beverly told me that she is going to be at the Home and Garden show at the Expo Center next Friday through Sunday (3/26-3/28). In honor of her 30th anniversary as a photographer, she will be offering special pricing. Her session fee is normally $200 and it will only be $30!! She will also be offering 30% off her normal portrait pricing. So if you have seen her work (it is EXCELLENT!!) and you'd like to get some pictures like that done, she said to go to the Expo next weekend and book with her there. If you do, please tell her I referred you. The expo does cost money to get into ($7 for those over 12), so be aware of that. But if you've been wanting some special portraits, she will be able to capture them and this may be the best pricing she has for awhile. Tell your hubby to make it an early Mother's Day present.
www.bevphotos.com
We just had a session at Portrait Excellence on Friday (it was a gift) and I have to tell you that lady is awesome! Her name is Beverly Toves and she is the one who does the pictures hanging at the local pediatric offices and at our adoption agency. She and her assistant were so great with my boys and I think she got a lot of good photos. I had a great time talking with her and getting to know her a little. She showed me some of the raw ones on her camera and I can't wait to see them all.
While I was there, Beverly told me that she is going to be at the Home and Garden show at the Expo Center next Friday through Sunday (3/26-3/28). In honor of her 30th anniversary as a photographer, she will be offering special pricing. Her session fee is normally $200 and it will only be $30!! She will also be offering 30% off her normal portrait pricing. So if you have seen her work (it is EXCELLENT!!) and you'd like to get some pictures like that done, she said to go to the Expo next weekend and book with her there. If you do, please tell her I referred you. The expo does cost money to get into ($7 for those over 12), so be aware of that. But if you've been wanting some special portraits, she will be able to capture them and this may be the best pricing she has for awhile. Tell your hubby to make it an early Mother's Day present.
www.bevphotos.com
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
One Month
Hannah is one month old today! It's time for me to write my first update letter for her birthmother. I am not exactly sure what I will say yet or which pictures or how many of them to include. She has her one month check up tomorrow morning. She actually slept pretty well last night, so I hope this is a new trend. She ate and went to bed at 7, had a 4 oz dream feed at 10 (that's when I feed her in the dark while she's asleep) and then didn't wake up until 3am! She ate then and was up for about an hour and then went back to sleep until 8. So she had a five hour stretch and a four hour stretch last night. She's been gaining weight, so we're not too worried about making sure she eats every three hours at night anymore. I have been working last week and this week to get her on a schedule. My boys have all thrived on schedules and it really helps me to be able to keep my sanity as well. We all seem like to knowing what is happening and when. She has her days and nights mixed up, so I've been working on fixing that the past few days. Hopefully, this means I am on the right track!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Overwhelmed
I am just totally overwhelmed right now. There has been so much loved poured out on my family in the past two weeks that I just don't even know what to say. Thank you does not seem adequate. Since we brought Hannah home, I have received so many gifts for her that have helped us out tremendously. We've been blessed with cards and prayers and messages. We've also received a few meals this week and have another coming next week. Someone came over the other day to watch Hannah while the boys napped so that I could also go take a nap. A couple friends had a surprise shower for me tonight. I don't know why I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends when there are so many people who don't have any friends, but I am so thankful for each of you. I feel so very loved!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Hannah's Birthmom
I forgot to share this with you. The social workers from the office that we picked Hannah up from said that Hannah's birthmother and sisters are doing much better. The sisters have accepted this and they are processing it. They are making a scrapbook for us to keep for Hannah. I told the workers how my heart had been breaking for the birthmom and they told me that Hannah's birthmother is happy for her and that I should be happy too. She does miss her, but she is very excited about her daughter's future with us and is so glad she chose us. She does not regret her decision. That does make me feel better. We will probably have a reunion visit with them in June.
Weight Check
At Hannah's weight check on Monday, she weighed in at 6 lbs 4 oz, so we're headed in the right direction. She goes in again at one month (next week). The biggest problem right now is that her formula is constipating her. It's hard on them to switch formulas so we don't want to keep doing that. We switched her back from the 2nd one to the first one and were waiting to see if it would help. But she's still plugged up. I have to call on Monday and talk to the ped again. I want to ask about trying the Gentle formula, because several moms have told me that did the trick for their gassy babies. Oh, how I wish I had a milk supply. I think that's what she really needs and it's killing me.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Placement Ceremony
Today we took part in a placement ceremony for Hannah. Because there is no longer any risk involved in our adoption, today she was officially placed with us for adoption and we signed the final placement paperwork. We celebrated with our pastor, a few friends, and some family members at the agency. We read Scripture together and spent some time in prayer, before sharing some cake and refreshments. Some brought cards and gifts for Hannah. Afterwards, most of us when out to dinner to celebrate our newest family member. (Of course, sleep deprived mama forgot the ice cream sheet cake she bought at home in the freezer and now has more cake than she knows what to do with.)It was a good time and I thank those who shared this special moment with us.
We also had our first post placement visit today, as our social worker was able to observe our whole family interacting with Hannah and interview us a little as to how things were going. We have to have a series of three post placement visits with our social worker. They have to spaced over a certain amount of time. After they are completed, she writes up a report that will go to the courts. After our three visits, we will hire a lawyer and begin the final steps to having our adoption finalized in court. After that is done, we can legally change her name and get a new birth certificate and apply for her SSN. So now with this first visit completed, we have begun the next phase of our adoption journey. Our adoption should be finalized by the end of the year.
We also had our first post placement visit today, as our social worker was able to observe our whole family interacting with Hannah and interview us a little as to how things were going. We have to have a series of three post placement visits with our social worker. They have to spaced over a certain amount of time. After they are completed, she writes up a report that will go to the courts. After our three visits, we will hire a lawyer and begin the final steps to having our adoption finalized in court. After that is done, we can legally change her name and get a new birth certificate and apply for her SSN. So now with this first visit completed, we have begun the next phase of our adoption journey. Our adoption should be finalized by the end of the year.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Bethel
(I apologize in advance for any typos. I am not getting much sleep these days.)
After the Lord delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt through a series of miracles, he spoke these words to them.
"Be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." (Deut 6:12)
They forgot Him every time things got rough.
In Genesis, the Lord revealed Himself to Jacob in a place called Luz. Through a dream, He spoke to Jacob a promise concerning things to come. When Jacob woke up, he realized the Lord had spoken to him and that the place he was at was special because of that. He took the stone he had used a pillow the previous night and set it up as a pillar and he made a promise back to God. He renamed the area Bethel, which means house of God. Years later, God brought him back to this very spot and told Him to build an altar. God had done many things in Jacob's life during that time and had kept His promise to Jacob. So Jacob remembered the Lord's promise and how the Lord had always been with him and he built an altar in the very spot he had previously set up that stone pillar.
And now it is my turn to set up an altar in my Bethel. The Lord has spoken many things to me concerning this adoption and He has brought those things to pass. I do not want to be like the Israelites, who forgot what the Lord had done for them. So I want to share them here with all of you and worship the Lord for the things He has done.
I have always wanted a daughter. When the time came that I was actually in a position in life that that dream could become a reality, I was so excited. But the Lord did not see fit to bless us with a daughter of our own. I was certain that #2 was a girl. I just knew it! We did not have an ultrasound with him and I remember being disappointed when he came out and was a boy. It took me several days to accept that, and my poor son didn't even have a name for three days because we had not prepared a boy name. When I got pregnant the third time and we found out he was a boy, I was very upset. I struggled with my feelings for the majority of my pregnancy, but did finally come to a place where I was able to accept his gender before he was born and I am so glad I have him now. But the desire in my heart for a daughter was very strong, and I was upset with the Lord that he had not given me one. My pregnancies are not easy. I get nasty morning sickness that lasts all day, every day from week 6 until I deliver the baby. I even throw up while giving birth. It's like living with a perpetual stomach flu, only worse because at least with the stomach flu you feel better after you throw up. It is really hard to live that way. The first time, I was able to quit my job and lay around and wallow in self-pity. The second time, I had a 9 month old to care for when the sickness started. The third time, I had a 25 month old and 9 month old to care for. It just got harder and harder to deal with the morning sickness. It leads to depression in me and at several points during each pregnancy, I have been suicidal. My husband later told me that every time he called and I didn't answer the phone, he wondered if I had done something horrible to myself. I know that throwing up is not a reason to kill yourself, but when you are suffering from depression, you don't think logically. It's just not a good place to be, so after the third child, we decided to end our fertility. I love my boys with all my heart. Each one is unique and I am glad that the Lord has placed each one in our family. However, that desire for a girl just would not go away.
Then the Lord began showing me that He placed that desire there for a reason. There was a little girl He wanted to be a part of our family all along and she needed to come to us through adoption. He was in everything that had happened, bringing about His will for us, because we had given our lives to Him and asked Him to have his way in us. To be completely honest, if any of my boys had been a girl, we would have been done with our family and not pursued adoption...especially once we found out the cost. And I used to beg the Lord to take away my sickness during pregnancy. But now I see that it had to be that way. If I had easy pregnancies, I would have just kept trying for a biological girl. So the Lord needed to get us to a point where we didn't want to have children biologically anymore, but still had a very strong desire for a daughter. Otherwise, we wouldn't have pursued adoption. It's not that we were ever uncomfortable with adoption. We had even discussed being open to it before we were married. But then we had three kids in less than three years and that is a lot of work and we would have just decided that we had our hands full and should be happy that the Lord had blessed us with the ones we did have. So God worked it all out the way He needed it to be, because Hannah was meant to be a part of our family.
It's funny, because years ago, a friend compared me to Hannah in the Old Testament. The situation was different, but it was the hope in my heart that caused her to make the comparison. I don't even remember what I was hoping for anymore. I just remember the name. I had no idea how significant that name would later be in my life.
Last year, the Lord showed us it was time to move on the adoption process. I've already talked about the journey we have gone through concerning the change in how we view adoption, so I won't relive that part of the story. Yes, my motives started out selfishly, but the Lord is a Redeemer and he changed my desires. Here are the things that Lord spoke to me and how he brought those things to pass.
Promise: He told me He had a daughter for me.
Fulfillment: On February 26th, He gave us our daughter.
Shown to me: At the end of May '09 as I was cleaning my bathroom, the Lord clearly spoke to me and told me that this child's name was to be Hannah and impressed on my heart that she was already conceived. He spoke that last part to two others as well.
Fulfillment: Nine months later, Hannah was born. Because of the timing involved here, I believe the Lord gave me her name right around the time of her conception. Interestingly enough, I heard a story of a woman who this happened to and had thought it would be really cool if God did that for us too.
Promise: The Lord said He would provide for what he was calling us to do.
Fulfillment: He brought in all the money we needed. We had no idea where it was going to come from. He brought in the last $10,000 overnight the day before we met our baby. We had not previously had all the money we needed with the other baby in November, but just in time, God came through.
Prayer Request: I asked the Lord to bring us whichever child He had for us, but that if I could put in a request, could she please be biracial like our boys.
Answer: Hannah's birthfather is biracial. While we do not know what the other part of his ethnicity besides Black is, the fact remains that Hannah is mixed.
Prayer Request: I asked the Lord for the chance to meet our baby's birthmother.
Answer: Hannah's birthmother requested to meet us after choosing us from our profile. We were able to spend two hours getting to know each other and it was a good meeting.
Prayer Request: We prayed for the Lord's will to be done in the situation in November.
Answer: Though it was painful, the Lord did bring about His will. That was not the baby He had for us.
Shown to me: I have had the feeling all along that this would happen quickly.
Fulfillment: Though it was not quite as fast as I had originally thought, it still did happen quickly. From the time that our homestudy was approved until the time we brought Hannah home, it was just under 5 months. That is very fast in the adoption world.
Shown to me: I also felt all along like when it did happen, it was going to be all of a sudden. I just felt like we wouldn't be one of those couples that was matched up with a pregnant mom and who waited for her to deliver.
Fulfillment: Hannah's birthmother called our agency out of the blue, from the hospital, the day after Hannah was born and we were called later that day.
So as you can see, the Lord fulfilled many things He spoke to me with the placement of Hannah into our home. I Thessalonians 5:24 says:
"The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."
That is my favorite verse in the Bible, and it has been so true in our adoption. He's done it...everything He said He would do....He did it all. It was already done before I even knew it (which is something He spoke to a friend of mine back in November).
So now I just want to take some time to praise and thank the Lord publically, for He is a good God.
Lord, I thank you and praise you that you are faithful and that you do what you say you will do. I thank you that in your infinite wisdom, you have seen fit to grant me the desire of my heart, the desire that you placed there. I thank you that you have been weaving this story together long before I knew any of it, so that your will would be done. I thank you Lord, that you did not allow us to conceive a daughter biologically because we would not have the daughter we have now. I thank you that even through the hard times of morning sickness and depression, you were working your will in my life. I could not understand it then. Forgive me of my anger towards you. I thank you that even in those times, you raise up friends who prayed, who took my children to the park when I could not do anything, and who brought dinner for my family on bad days. I praise you, Lord, that you have plan for my life, for my family, and for Hannah and that know what you are doing. I praise you Lord, that you are a Redeemer and that even out of painful circumstances, you can bring good things. I thank you that you can take what seemed hopeless and redeem it so that your name is glorified. I thank you that you worked in the circumstances surrounding Hannah's conception and birth to use something very difficult and bring about something wonderful. Only you can do things like that Lord. Truly, there is no one like you. I thank you that you are a Waymaker Lord, and that you make a way where there seems to be no way. I thank you that you are Jehovah Jireh, the Lord my provider and for all the ways that you have provided for this adoption. I thank you Lord for each person that you raised up to pray with and for us and for Hannah's birthfamily. I thank you for each person that has sent us their hard earned money, because they wanted to be a part of what you were doing. I thank you for each one that came out to Cici's, took part in my Zumbathon in any way, donated to our yardsale, or shopped at our yardsale. I thank you for those who paid us for services in photography and sling making in order to support our adoption. I thank you for those who have brought, sent (or are planning to), or traded clothing and other baby items. I thank you for those who gave me things I wanted just (not necessarily needed) just so I could have girlie stuff. I thank you for those who have brought us meals so that in my exhaustion I could have one less thing to have to worry with. I thank you for the one who was willing to privately lend us $10,000 in good faith. Lord, I pray you bless all these people one hundred fold what they have given to us and that they would know how they have blessed us and that you are pleased with them. I thank you Lord for bringing so many wonderful people into our lives who love us. People who prayed with us, waited with us, were excited for us, cried with us in November, and are now rejoicing with us. Lord, who am I that I should be such a blessed woman? You have been so good to me. I thank you that you have a plan for this little girl's life and that you are allowing us to be a part of it. Thank you that our boys have taken right to their sister and love her so much already. Thank you for each and every thing you spoke to me that you have brought to pass. You are an awesome God and you are worthy of all praise. Who else can show us things that have not yet happened and then make them happen with such accuracy? No one else is like you, God. You alone are the Lord, and there is no other. I praise you, God, and I will serve you all of my days. Give us wisdom and strength to train this child in the way she should go. Be glorified in our lives and in our adoption and do all that you have in mind to do. Amen.
After the Lord delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt through a series of miracles, he spoke these words to them.
"Be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." (Deut 6:12)
They forgot Him every time things got rough.
In Genesis, the Lord revealed Himself to Jacob in a place called Luz. Through a dream, He spoke to Jacob a promise concerning things to come. When Jacob woke up, he realized the Lord had spoken to him and that the place he was at was special because of that. He took the stone he had used a pillow the previous night and set it up as a pillar and he made a promise back to God. He renamed the area Bethel, which means house of God. Years later, God brought him back to this very spot and told Him to build an altar. God had done many things in Jacob's life during that time and had kept His promise to Jacob. So Jacob remembered the Lord's promise and how the Lord had always been with him and he built an altar in the very spot he had previously set up that stone pillar.
And now it is my turn to set up an altar in my Bethel. The Lord has spoken many things to me concerning this adoption and He has brought those things to pass. I do not want to be like the Israelites, who forgot what the Lord had done for them. So I want to share them here with all of you and worship the Lord for the things He has done.
I have always wanted a daughter. When the time came that I was actually in a position in life that that dream could become a reality, I was so excited. But the Lord did not see fit to bless us with a daughter of our own. I was certain that #2 was a girl. I just knew it! We did not have an ultrasound with him and I remember being disappointed when he came out and was a boy. It took me several days to accept that, and my poor son didn't even have a name for three days because we had not prepared a boy name. When I got pregnant the third time and we found out he was a boy, I was very upset. I struggled with my feelings for the majority of my pregnancy, but did finally come to a place where I was able to accept his gender before he was born and I am so glad I have him now. But the desire in my heart for a daughter was very strong, and I was upset with the Lord that he had not given me one. My pregnancies are not easy. I get nasty morning sickness that lasts all day, every day from week 6 until I deliver the baby. I even throw up while giving birth. It's like living with a perpetual stomach flu, only worse because at least with the stomach flu you feel better after you throw up. It is really hard to live that way. The first time, I was able to quit my job and lay around and wallow in self-pity. The second time, I had a 9 month old to care for when the sickness started. The third time, I had a 25 month old and 9 month old to care for. It just got harder and harder to deal with the morning sickness. It leads to depression in me and at several points during each pregnancy, I have been suicidal. My husband later told me that every time he called and I didn't answer the phone, he wondered if I had done something horrible to myself. I know that throwing up is not a reason to kill yourself, but when you are suffering from depression, you don't think logically. It's just not a good place to be, so after the third child, we decided to end our fertility. I love my boys with all my heart. Each one is unique and I am glad that the Lord has placed each one in our family. However, that desire for a girl just would not go away.
Then the Lord began showing me that He placed that desire there for a reason. There was a little girl He wanted to be a part of our family all along and she needed to come to us through adoption. He was in everything that had happened, bringing about His will for us, because we had given our lives to Him and asked Him to have his way in us. To be completely honest, if any of my boys had been a girl, we would have been done with our family and not pursued adoption...especially once we found out the cost. And I used to beg the Lord to take away my sickness during pregnancy. But now I see that it had to be that way. If I had easy pregnancies, I would have just kept trying for a biological girl. So the Lord needed to get us to a point where we didn't want to have children biologically anymore, but still had a very strong desire for a daughter. Otherwise, we wouldn't have pursued adoption. It's not that we were ever uncomfortable with adoption. We had even discussed being open to it before we were married. But then we had three kids in less than three years and that is a lot of work and we would have just decided that we had our hands full and should be happy that the Lord had blessed us with the ones we did have. So God worked it all out the way He needed it to be, because Hannah was meant to be a part of our family.
It's funny, because years ago, a friend compared me to Hannah in the Old Testament. The situation was different, but it was the hope in my heart that caused her to make the comparison. I don't even remember what I was hoping for anymore. I just remember the name. I had no idea how significant that name would later be in my life.
Last year, the Lord showed us it was time to move on the adoption process. I've already talked about the journey we have gone through concerning the change in how we view adoption, so I won't relive that part of the story. Yes, my motives started out selfishly, but the Lord is a Redeemer and he changed my desires. Here are the things that Lord spoke to me and how he brought those things to pass.
Promise: He told me He had a daughter for me.
Fulfillment: On February 26th, He gave us our daughter.
Shown to me: At the end of May '09 as I was cleaning my bathroom, the Lord clearly spoke to me and told me that this child's name was to be Hannah and impressed on my heart that she was already conceived. He spoke that last part to two others as well.
Fulfillment: Nine months later, Hannah was born. Because of the timing involved here, I believe the Lord gave me her name right around the time of her conception. Interestingly enough, I heard a story of a woman who this happened to and had thought it would be really cool if God did that for us too.
Promise: The Lord said He would provide for what he was calling us to do.
Fulfillment: He brought in all the money we needed. We had no idea where it was going to come from. He brought in the last $10,000 overnight the day before we met our baby. We had not previously had all the money we needed with the other baby in November, but just in time, God came through.
Prayer Request: I asked the Lord to bring us whichever child He had for us, but that if I could put in a request, could she please be biracial like our boys.
Answer: Hannah's birthfather is biracial. While we do not know what the other part of his ethnicity besides Black is, the fact remains that Hannah is mixed.
Prayer Request: I asked the Lord for the chance to meet our baby's birthmother.
Answer: Hannah's birthmother requested to meet us after choosing us from our profile. We were able to spend two hours getting to know each other and it was a good meeting.
Prayer Request: We prayed for the Lord's will to be done in the situation in November.
Answer: Though it was painful, the Lord did bring about His will. That was not the baby He had for us.
Shown to me: I have had the feeling all along that this would happen quickly.
Fulfillment: Though it was not quite as fast as I had originally thought, it still did happen quickly. From the time that our homestudy was approved until the time we brought Hannah home, it was just under 5 months. That is very fast in the adoption world.
Shown to me: I also felt all along like when it did happen, it was going to be all of a sudden. I just felt like we wouldn't be one of those couples that was matched up with a pregnant mom and who waited for her to deliver.
Fulfillment: Hannah's birthmother called our agency out of the blue, from the hospital, the day after Hannah was born and we were called later that day.
So as you can see, the Lord fulfilled many things He spoke to me with the placement of Hannah into our home. I Thessalonians 5:24 says:
"The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."
That is my favorite verse in the Bible, and it has been so true in our adoption. He's done it...everything He said He would do....He did it all. It was already done before I even knew it (which is something He spoke to a friend of mine back in November).
So now I just want to take some time to praise and thank the Lord publically, for He is a good God.
Lord, I thank you and praise you that you are faithful and that you do what you say you will do. I thank you that in your infinite wisdom, you have seen fit to grant me the desire of my heart, the desire that you placed there. I thank you that you have been weaving this story together long before I knew any of it, so that your will would be done. I thank you Lord, that you did not allow us to conceive a daughter biologically because we would not have the daughter we have now. I thank you that even through the hard times of morning sickness and depression, you were working your will in my life. I could not understand it then. Forgive me of my anger towards you. I thank you that even in those times, you raise up friends who prayed, who took my children to the park when I could not do anything, and who brought dinner for my family on bad days. I praise you, Lord, that you have plan for my life, for my family, and for Hannah and that know what you are doing. I praise you Lord, that you are a Redeemer and that even out of painful circumstances, you can bring good things. I thank you that you can take what seemed hopeless and redeem it so that your name is glorified. I thank you that you worked in the circumstances surrounding Hannah's conception and birth to use something very difficult and bring about something wonderful. Only you can do things like that Lord. Truly, there is no one like you. I thank you that you are a Waymaker Lord, and that you make a way where there seems to be no way. I thank you that you are Jehovah Jireh, the Lord my provider and for all the ways that you have provided for this adoption. I thank you Lord for each person that you raised up to pray with and for us and for Hannah's birthfamily. I thank you for each person that has sent us their hard earned money, because they wanted to be a part of what you were doing. I thank you for each one that came out to Cici's, took part in my Zumbathon in any way, donated to our yardsale, or shopped at our yardsale. I thank you for those who paid us for services in photography and sling making in order to support our adoption. I thank you for those who have brought, sent (or are planning to), or traded clothing and other baby items. I thank you for those who gave me things I wanted just (not necessarily needed) just so I could have girlie stuff. I thank you for those who have brought us meals so that in my exhaustion I could have one less thing to have to worry with. I thank you for the one who was willing to privately lend us $10,000 in good faith. Lord, I pray you bless all these people one hundred fold what they have given to us and that they would know how they have blessed us and that you are pleased with them. I thank you Lord for bringing so many wonderful people into our lives who love us. People who prayed with us, waited with us, were excited for us, cried with us in November, and are now rejoicing with us. Lord, who am I that I should be such a blessed woman? You have been so good to me. I thank you that you have a plan for this little girl's life and that you are allowing us to be a part of it. Thank you that our boys have taken right to their sister and love her so much already. Thank you for each and every thing you spoke to me that you have brought to pass. You are an awesome God and you are worthy of all praise. Who else can show us things that have not yet happened and then make them happen with such accuracy? No one else is like you, God. You alone are the Lord, and there is no other. I praise you, God, and I will serve you all of my days. Give us wisdom and strength to train this child in the way she should go. Be glorified in our lives and in our adoption and do all that you have in mind to do. Amen.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Pediatrician Update
Hannah had her first visit with our pediatrician on Wednesday. She is gaining weight, despite not always wanting to eat, so that's good. She weighed in at 6 lbs even, which means she gained 10 ounces in one week. Due to her spitting up, the ped put her on Zantac for reflux. She does NOT like it at all. The ped also reviewed Hannah's paperwork from the hospital she was born at and decided that she does not think Hannah is a preemie afterall. There were two different tests done. One indicated she was several weeks early. But the other indicated she was born at 39 weeks gestation, which is full term. My ped said that the 39 week test is the one that is more reliable and more accepted by doctors, so she is going to go with that one. She said Hannah is just small and her sucking problems are just problems she had and are not because she was early. So that makes me feel better because being a preemie made me more worried for her development and her immune system. I had thought she was early, because the birthmother told me she was early, however the birthmother never had any prenatal care, so she never had an official due date and could have been a month off in her guesstimate. That plus her size and sucking issues all seemed to line up to me. My ped does want to keep an eye on her weight, so we will be going back in next week for a weight check.
When we first brought Hannah home, we often had a hard time getting her to eat. However, that is changing. Since yesterday, she is actually waking up on her own and crying for a feeding. This is new for her. She woke up on her own last night every three hours wanting to eat. She is also now sometimes wanting three ounces instead of two. I know there is a growth spurt that occurs between the 2nd and 3rd week of life, so I think she's hitting that growth spurt. The preemie diapers actually fit now. She is still gassy, but not as gassy as when she was on the regular formula. It is keeping her from getting comfortable at night so she, John, and I aren't getting good sleep at night. She makes up for it in the daytime; John and I....well, we also have three little boys, so not so much. They get up at 7. We're trying to get to bed earlier and nap in the afternoons, but John won't be able to nap once he's back at work next week. But it's all good. She's worth it. :)
When we first brought Hannah home, we often had a hard time getting her to eat. However, that is changing. Since yesterday, she is actually waking up on her own and crying for a feeding. This is new for her. She woke up on her own last night every three hours wanting to eat. She is also now sometimes wanting three ounces instead of two. I know there is a growth spurt that occurs between the 2nd and 3rd week of life, so I think she's hitting that growth spurt. The preemie diapers actually fit now. She is still gassy, but not as gassy as when she was on the regular formula. It is keeping her from getting comfortable at night so she, John, and I aren't getting good sleep at night. She makes up for it in the daytime; John and I....well, we also have three little boys, so not so much. They get up at 7. We're trying to get to bed earlier and nap in the afternoons, but John won't be able to nap once he's back at work next week. But it's all good. She's worth it. :)
She's ours!
We are celebrating one week with Hannah today! We are also celebrating the news that the birthfather search has been completed and she is now officially ours! We will still have to finalize the adoption in court (which is a several month process), but it means that both parents' rights are terminated and we are no longer considered at risk. Yeah!! God is good!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Our first weekend with Hannah
Well, I think I owe you all a big huge update. Sorry I didn't get on here over the weekend. It's been a busy couple of days.
We've had Hannah home for three full days now and things are going well. The boys have taken right to her and just love her to pieces. I was concerned that Micah wasn't going to like her too much when he saw how much she got held by mama. He's previously gotten jealous when I've held other babies for longer than a few minutes. But he hasn't acted jealous at all. All three of them are smitten. They all get concerned when she cries and try to give her a pacifier or tell her not to cry because they are there or mama is coming. It's so sweet! Micah loves to look at her and make sure her hat is still on. He lets me know where she is when she cries by saying, "Uh oh. Baby. Right der!" They just love her so much already and it's really heartwarming to see.
She's an easy baby for the most part. She pretty much sleeps all day, which I'm told is typical for a preemie. They believe she was a little over 4 weeks early. She has some suck issues and I'm told the nurses in the hospital were working with her on that. You can hear a clicking sound the whole time she's drinking, which I had been told in my breastfeeding days means that the baby isn't properly latched on. I guess the same holds true for a bottle and she's not sucking it the right way. It could be the positioning of her tongue. The biggest thing with her right now is that she is not so concerned about eating. You have to really make sure she's awake to get her to eat, and even then you can't always get her to drink much. She's so tiny that she really needs to have all her feedings. We have to set an alarm during the night to make sure that she is eating, because she doesn't just wake up and cry to eat every few hours like you would expect. It's work just to get two ounces in her. She has been really gassy since we brought her home. The foster mom didn't mention anything about it, but I hear her little belly gurgling all the time. She seems to be most affected at night, but I'm not sure why. She wants to sleep; you can tell she's trying to. But you can hear her belly going and then she'll cry and she'll pass gas. This happens quite often at night, so even though she's not really awake, we're not sleeping well because she is uncomfortable. Having dealt with three kids who are lactose intolerant, and being lactose intolerant myself, I am wondering if that might be her problem as well. Tonight I got some lactose free formula and have given that to her for her 7 and 10pm feedings. I'm about to wake her and give her another one and we'll see how the rest of the night goes. I hope fixing the problem is as simple as that. If this doesn't work, I will probably try soy formula next and see if maybe the problem is just dairy period. I added Hannah to our insurance this morning and she will be going to see our pediatrician on Wednesday morning, so I'll definitely be talking to her about this.
Now that her cord has fallen off, she had her first real bath today. You should see her hair now. It got all curly after getting cleaned and now she's got hair like Nathanael. I pointed that out to him and I think he liked that, because I later heard him telling Luke that baby Hannah had curly hair just like him.
Thanks to several people who have either bought some clothing for her, given us some hand me downs, or told me they are going to be sending us some clothes, we are all set for smaller clothes now. Hannah was smaller than I had anticipated our baby being, so we needed a whole new wardrobe in preemie and newborns sizes. She's wearing the preemie stuff now, and some of it fits and some is still too big. I have no clue, but I guess she'll be in the newborn stuff in a few weeks. Who knows when we'll finally move into the 0-3 month size clothes. If anyone wants to get us anything, preemie sized diapers would be appreciated (but we don't need too many packs of those as I'm not sure how long she'll be in them) as well as Dr. Brown's bottles. Dr. Brown's makes a preemie size nipple that Babies R Us sells. It was the only place I could find one that small. The regular nipple for infants flows too fast and is too large for her.
Ok, this is getting really long. More tomorrow with some new pics!
We've had Hannah home for three full days now and things are going well. The boys have taken right to her and just love her to pieces. I was concerned that Micah wasn't going to like her too much when he saw how much she got held by mama. He's previously gotten jealous when I've held other babies for longer than a few minutes. But he hasn't acted jealous at all. All three of them are smitten. They all get concerned when she cries and try to give her a pacifier or tell her not to cry because they are there or mama is coming. It's so sweet! Micah loves to look at her and make sure her hat is still on. He lets me know where she is when she cries by saying, "Uh oh. Baby. Right der!" They just love her so much already and it's really heartwarming to see.
She's an easy baby for the most part. She pretty much sleeps all day, which I'm told is typical for a preemie. They believe she was a little over 4 weeks early. She has some suck issues and I'm told the nurses in the hospital were working with her on that. You can hear a clicking sound the whole time she's drinking, which I had been told in my breastfeeding days means that the baby isn't properly latched on. I guess the same holds true for a bottle and she's not sucking it the right way. It could be the positioning of her tongue. The biggest thing with her right now is that she is not so concerned about eating. You have to really make sure she's awake to get her to eat, and even then you can't always get her to drink much. She's so tiny that she really needs to have all her feedings. We have to set an alarm during the night to make sure that she is eating, because she doesn't just wake up and cry to eat every few hours like you would expect. It's work just to get two ounces in her. She has been really gassy since we brought her home. The foster mom didn't mention anything about it, but I hear her little belly gurgling all the time. She seems to be most affected at night, but I'm not sure why. She wants to sleep; you can tell she's trying to. But you can hear her belly going and then she'll cry and she'll pass gas. This happens quite often at night, so even though she's not really awake, we're not sleeping well because she is uncomfortable. Having dealt with three kids who are lactose intolerant, and being lactose intolerant myself, I am wondering if that might be her problem as well. Tonight I got some lactose free formula and have given that to her for her 7 and 10pm feedings. I'm about to wake her and give her another one and we'll see how the rest of the night goes. I hope fixing the problem is as simple as that. If this doesn't work, I will probably try soy formula next and see if maybe the problem is just dairy period. I added Hannah to our insurance this morning and she will be going to see our pediatrician on Wednesday morning, so I'll definitely be talking to her about this.
Now that her cord has fallen off, she had her first real bath today. You should see her hair now. It got all curly after getting cleaned and now she's got hair like Nathanael. I pointed that out to him and I think he liked that, because I later heard him telling Luke that baby Hannah had curly hair just like him.
Thanks to several people who have either bought some clothing for her, given us some hand me downs, or told me they are going to be sending us some clothes, we are all set for smaller clothes now. Hannah was smaller than I had anticipated our baby being, so we needed a whole new wardrobe in preemie and newborns sizes. She's wearing the preemie stuff now, and some of it fits and some is still too big. I have no clue, but I guess she'll be in the newborn stuff in a few weeks. Who knows when we'll finally move into the 0-3 month size clothes. If anyone wants to get us anything, preemie sized diapers would be appreciated (but we don't need too many packs of those as I'm not sure how long she'll be in them) as well as Dr. Brown's bottles. Dr. Brown's makes a preemie size nipple that Babies R Us sells. It was the only place I could find one that small. The regular nipple for infants flows too fast and is too large for her.
Ok, this is getting really long. More tomorrow with some new pics!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sorry!
Sorry that I haven't updated this weekend. We've had a few things going on. It's late right now and I need to get to bed, but I promise you an update and more pictures on Monday.
Friday, February 26, 2010
We're home
We wound up getting home much later than I thought, but we finally made it back here around 6:30. We spent about two hours at the agency with the social workers and the foster mom. After we left, we had to go to Babies R Us to get some preemie diapers and clothing, because the newborn stuff we have is too big. Honestly, even the preemie stuff is too big. Girlfriend is TINY! My brain is mush right now, so I'm not going to write very much. I'd like to get off of here and hold my baby for awhile, so I'll post more tomorrow. Until then, here are some pics for you to enjoy of my baby girl. Did you hear that? MY BABY GIRL!!!
Look at what the Lord has done:
Look at what the Lord has done:
We have a daughter!!
We have picked up our baby girl and are now on our way home. I will post more later. I am on my phone`s internet right now so it is not as easy to post.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tomorrow's Timeline
So here is the plan for tomorrow. I know that many of you are dying to see pictures, but I probably won't have a post up until tomorrow evening. We'll be meeting locally with our social worker at 10am and taking care of the placement paperwork. We are supposed to arrive at the office near the baby at 2:30. I don't know how long we'll be there, but maybe an hour or so? Then we'll head back home. So we may not even be back home until 5ish. It will probably be after dinner before I get pics up. I will try to get on here just to let you know we're home. For those who are facebook friends with me, I will post a status update from my phone when we start heading back home. I know you are all waiting. Sorry that you will have to wait all day, but I will not go to bed tomorrow without posting pics..promise!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Another update
I have been asked what Hannah's middle name is going to be. It will be My'isha (My eesha). Her mother named her that and asked that we incorporate it as part of her name. The name is a name that has special significance for her. It was the name of a person in her family that she had a very special bond with. This person passed away from cancer and the birthmother misses her greatly and wanted to honor her memory in this way.
As far as Friday goes, we have set a time to start the placement process. We will be meeting with our social worker at 10am to do some placement paperwork. When that is all completed, we will travel to the office where the baby is and pick Hannah up from there. Then we will bring her home with us.
Some of you have been asking about how I am doing. I have mixed feelings right now. Part of me is wanting to get very excited, but the other part of me feels wrong about being happy to have this baby. I am happy to have a daughter, but the circumstances under which it is happening are very sad. My heart just breaks for our birthmother. I cannot imagine having to make this kind of choice. I told someone the other day that it is very sad that our joy is the result of someone else's pain. And it's not just our birthmother either. There are some young girls who are also in pain and will grow up without their sister in their every day lives. Yes, we will keep a relationship with them, but it still won't be the same. I said that if she does change her mind, part of me would be happy for them. I knew going into this that it would be a hard decision for our baby's birthmother. I've been praying for this unknown person for months now. I just kind of figured it would be a young single woman who wasn't ready to be a mommy yet. I didn't really expect a situation like this one, where a family is being ripped apart, against the wishes of some of it's members (the girls would like their mother to keep the baby.) It's very difficult to know how to feel sometimes. I am happy to have a little girl. I am in awe of all that God has done to get us to this point. It is neat see things He promised me awhile ago now come to fruition. I definitely look forward to all that having a daughter means- from buying little frilly dresses and Barbies, to mother/daughter pedicure appointments, to high school crushes, to being mother of the bride, to watching her become a mother herself one day. But it is all very bittersweet because I know there is a family that will never be the same again. It is hard to think that while we rejoice on Friday night, Hannah's birthmother will probably be home crying her eyes out because she can no longer change her mind. It's just a really hard spot to be in and I didn't expect to feel this way. I really hope you all will continue to pray for their family long after our adoption is finalized.
As far as Friday goes, we have set a time to start the placement process. We will be meeting with our social worker at 10am to do some placement paperwork. When that is all completed, we will travel to the office where the baby is and pick Hannah up from there. Then we will bring her home with us.
Some of you have been asking about how I am doing. I have mixed feelings right now. Part of me is wanting to get very excited, but the other part of me feels wrong about being happy to have this baby. I am happy to have a daughter, but the circumstances under which it is happening are very sad. My heart just breaks for our birthmother. I cannot imagine having to make this kind of choice. I told someone the other day that it is very sad that our joy is the result of someone else's pain. And it's not just our birthmother either. There are some young girls who are also in pain and will grow up without their sister in their every day lives. Yes, we will keep a relationship with them, but it still won't be the same. I said that if she does change her mind, part of me would be happy for them. I knew going into this that it would be a hard decision for our baby's birthmother. I've been praying for this unknown person for months now. I just kind of figured it would be a young single woman who wasn't ready to be a mommy yet. I didn't really expect a situation like this one, where a family is being ripped apart, against the wishes of some of it's members (the girls would like their mother to keep the baby.) It's very difficult to know how to feel sometimes. I am happy to have a little girl. I am in awe of all that God has done to get us to this point. It is neat see things He promised me awhile ago now come to fruition. I definitely look forward to all that having a daughter means- from buying little frilly dresses and Barbies, to mother/daughter pedicure appointments, to high school crushes, to being mother of the bride, to watching her become a mother herself one day. But it is all very bittersweet because I know there is a family that will never be the same again. It is hard to think that while we rejoice on Friday night, Hannah's birthmother will probably be home crying her eyes out because she can no longer change her mind. It's just a really hard spot to be in and I didn't expect to feel this way. I really hope you all will continue to pray for their family long after our adoption is finalized.
The sisters' visit
I previously had been referring to the baby as "the baby" in an effort to guard my heart. But in prayer this morning, I really felt like this is the baby the Lord has for us and this is going to happen. Then I got online and got the following information from my social worker. So I will now be referring to her as our baby and Hannah. :)
I just found out that Hannah's birthmother and her sisters came in already to meet her and the visit went well. Her mother acknowledged this was very hard, but reminded the social worker again of her reasons for choosing adoption. The girls are working on a scrap book for Hannah. My social worker said it sounds like the placement will take place. They are requesting to visit with her three times the first year and once a year after that (as long as it's beneficial for everyone involved). We are totally fine with that. I'll let you know once we've set up our time for Friday.
I just found out that Hannah's birthmother and her sisters came in already to meet her and the visit went well. Her mother acknowledged this was very hard, but reminded the social worker again of her reasons for choosing adoption. The girls are working on a scrap book for Hannah. My social worker said it sounds like the placement will take place. They are requesting to visit with her three times the first year and once a year after that (as long as it's beneficial for everyone involved). We are totally fine with that. I'll let you know once we've set up our time for Friday.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
She's one week old
Well, so far our birthmother has not changed her mind. We are getting closer to the end of the revocation period. That ends Friday at 5pm. My social worker said that it is extremely rare that a birthmother changes her mind on the 10th day. If we waited until the official end of the revocation period, then we would not be able to pick the baby up until Monday. So we are going to pick her up on Friday morning, with the understanding that we could have her for a few hours and her mother could change her mind. But since this is very rare, we are comfortable taking this risk.
Now, she still won't be officially ours at that point. The birthfather stuff still has to be done. They have to wait until the baby is 10 days old and then they send in a request to check the birthfather registry. If he is a sexually active male in VA, he is supposed to have registered in the database and also listed women he's been with. So they will search the registry under the mother's name and see if anything comes up. It is very unlikely that they will find anything as all they have for him is a first name. And even if they did, he may be totally willing to sign the papers because if he doesn't, he's got a kid to take care of. It will take a week to do this, as they have to mail in their request and wait to hear back by mail from the database people. If he has not registered, his rights are terminated, as it is his responsibility in this state to have registered, whether or not he is aware of a child. So even though the mother's revocation period will be up on Friday evening, the baby will not technically be ours until the end of next week, after the father searching is finished. So due to this, we are considered an "at risk" placement until all that is completed. We are comfortable taking this risk.
The biggest thing left to happen during the revocation period is a meeting between the birthmother, the baby, and the baby's sisters. The birthmother was not aware that her children would not be allowed into the hospital. When mom and baby were discharged, mom went home and baby went to her foster mommy's house. So the older sisters have not yet met their little sister, and they would like to see her before she becomes ours. The birthmother told us that she is not emotionally ready to see the baby again yet, but that she knows her girls need to see their sister. So she is going to try to be strong and bring them in this week. I do not know when this meeting is to take place. I just know that if it hasn't happened yet, it will be happening either today, tomorrow, or Thursday. I am not sure how this meeting will affect the birthmother and her decision. I am sure it will be very hard for her to see her and have to say goodbye all over again. It will probably be very hard on the sisters as well. So please just keep them and the meeting in your prayers.
Now, she still won't be officially ours at that point. The birthfather stuff still has to be done. They have to wait until the baby is 10 days old and then they send in a request to check the birthfather registry. If he is a sexually active male in VA, he is supposed to have registered in the database and also listed women he's been with. So they will search the registry under the mother's name and see if anything comes up. It is very unlikely that they will find anything as all they have for him is a first name. And even if they did, he may be totally willing to sign the papers because if he doesn't, he's got a kid to take care of. It will take a week to do this, as they have to mail in their request and wait to hear back by mail from the database people. If he has not registered, his rights are terminated, as it is his responsibility in this state to have registered, whether or not he is aware of a child. So even though the mother's revocation period will be up on Friday evening, the baby will not technically be ours until the end of next week, after the father searching is finished. So due to this, we are considered an "at risk" placement until all that is completed. We are comfortable taking this risk.
The biggest thing left to happen during the revocation period is a meeting between the birthmother, the baby, and the baby's sisters. The birthmother was not aware that her children would not be allowed into the hospital. When mom and baby were discharged, mom went home and baby went to her foster mommy's house. So the older sisters have not yet met their little sister, and they would like to see her before she becomes ours. The birthmother told us that she is not emotionally ready to see the baby again yet, but that she knows her girls need to see their sister. So she is going to try to be strong and bring them in this week. I do not know when this meeting is to take place. I just know that if it hasn't happened yet, it will be happening either today, tomorrow, or Thursday. I am not sure how this meeting will affect the birthmother and her decision. I am sure it will be very hard for her to see her and have to say goodbye all over again. It will probably be very hard on the sisters as well. So please just keep them and the meeting in your prayers.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Forgot to mention
I forgot to mention something about the money. I did call that no interest loan place yesterday, before the other person had offered to lend us the money. The lady I spoke with said she could expedite the review of our application, but it would still take at least a week. She also said that they did not currently have any money in their general fund and that several families were already waiting for money. So she said she could rush our paperwork to the board, but there was no guarantee that they would even have money to lend us. They are not a bank, so they can only lend out money as other adoptive families pay back their loans. So we were going to go ahead and submit our stuff to her anyhow and see what God would do, but we had no idea if they would even be able to help us. It was while we were working on that paperwork that we found out about the person who was willing to lend us the money.
The Meeting & The Money
Today's meeting went really well. I am not going to get into the details of everything we discussed, but we did talk about several things. We all got to know each other a little better. Thanks so much for all your prayers. We felt them. I was not sure how this would go, having never done this before. But it was not awkward at all. In fact, it felt very comfortable. I think that meeting us has helped her to feel much better about her decision. She seems to really like us. She has three other children and two of them are old enough to know what is going on. She is just not a place in her life where she feels she can raise a 4th one and knows that we can give her a much better life than she can. You can tell that she loves her baby very much and wants to give her the best life she can, even though it will cause her pain to do so. The two older children are having a very hard time with this, so please keep them in your prayers. They are 9 and 14. I made them a scrapbook of our family and wrote them a letter. I hope that knowing more about us and having pictures of the family that their sister is going to live with will help them be able to accept their mom's decision. We also set up an email address that they can contact us at, whenever they want to. If they would like to be a part of their sister's life (and it's not detrimental to either them or Hannah), then we would like to them to be able to have a relationship. The mom kept saying that she feels like she's making the right choice and the baby is going to be happy with us. Still, you could definitely feel that she is in pain, so I am not totally confident that she won't change her mind. We are just trying to gaurd our hearts and let the Lord do what He has in mind to do.
The social worker gave us some pictures of the baby and she is beautiful. Due to what happened last time, we have decided not to post any pictures until she is placed with us. So you will have to wait until then to see her. We, however, did not have to wait. We were able to meet her today! After our meeting with the mother, we went to lunch and then we came back to the office. The social worker picked up the baby (who is in interim care right now)and brought her to the office and we got to spend about 35 minutes with her. We were able to hold her and love on her and feed her. She is a teeny tiny little thing. I have never seen a 5 lb 6 oz baby before. She is so lightweight. It was hard to leave, but we needed to not stay with her for too long. I told her that hopefully I will be back to get her next Friday and gave her a kiss and then we left.
Now, you know about the money situation with the loan falling through and needing ten grand. Well, I am happy to report that need has been met!! JEHOVAH JIREH HAS PROVIDED EVERYTHING WE NEEDED! Someone we know offered to lend us the money we needed at no interest and they were ready to have the money sent out today. So we will have that money by the time the revocation period is over. So unless our birthmom changes her mind, we will be able to bring the baby home one week from today.
Please continue to pray for the birthmom, her children, Hannah, and for us. This next week is very important and only the Lord knows how it will end. I know it will be a very long week for me personally. Pray that I can keep my eyes on the Lord, no matter what happens.
Thanks everyone, for your prayers, love and support. We love you!
The social worker gave us some pictures of the baby and she is beautiful. Due to what happened last time, we have decided not to post any pictures until she is placed with us. So you will have to wait until then to see her. We, however, did not have to wait. We were able to meet her today! After our meeting with the mother, we went to lunch and then we came back to the office. The social worker picked up the baby (who is in interim care right now)and brought her to the office and we got to spend about 35 minutes with her. We were able to hold her and love on her and feed her. She is a teeny tiny little thing. I have never seen a 5 lb 6 oz baby before. She is so lightweight. It was hard to leave, but we needed to not stay with her for too long. I told her that hopefully I will be back to get her next Friday and gave her a kiss and then we left.
Now, you know about the money situation with the loan falling through and needing ten grand. Well, I am happy to report that need has been met!! JEHOVAH JIREH HAS PROVIDED EVERYTHING WE NEEDED! Someone we know offered to lend us the money we needed at no interest and they were ready to have the money sent out today. So we will have that money by the time the revocation period is over. So unless our birthmom changes her mind, we will be able to bring the baby home one week from today.
Please continue to pray for the birthmom, her children, Hannah, and for us. This next week is very important and only the Lord knows how it will end. I know it will be a very long week for me personally. Pray that I can keep my eyes on the Lord, no matter what happens.
Thanks everyone, for your prayers, love and support. We love you!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Placement Date
If everything goes through, it looks like we will get to bring this little girl home next Friday!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
God is good!!
We have been chosen again! I got a call this afternoon that a birthmother chose us earlier today. The baby was born yesterday and the mom had not been working with an agency until she called today. This is referred to as a cold call. The baby is healthy and is 5lbs 6 oz.....three pounds and a few ounces lighter than all of my boys were. She is about an hour south of us and will be going into interim care until the waiting period is over. We will have to wait a little longer than ten days until she can be officially ours, because they have to look for the birthfather. They have to try to contact him and then he has 10 days by law to respond, so it will be 10 days from whenever they send out the notification to him. We may possibly be able to take the baby home after the mom's revocation period is over (end of next week). I'm not sure about that yet. The birthmother would like to meet us, so we will be going to meet her on Friday morning. Please keep that meeting in your prayers. Please keep the birthmother in your prayers. This is not easy for her. Pray for God's will to be done in this situation. Pray also for us. I am going to try very hard to keep my heart and mind guarded, in case this does not work out the way I'm hoping it will. Right now, I want to be excited, but I am afraid to be.
In my previous post, I told you how we had just lost our adoption loan last week. There was some confusion about that, I'm told. When I posted that we had all the money we needed, I was including a $10,000 special adoption loan that we were approved for. Now that they are not offering that loan anymore, we need $10,000 and we will need it very soon if this is the baby the Lord has for us. We have not owned our home very long, so we are not sure if we have enough equity yet to borrow against. We are looking into it. We found a place that offers a no-interest adoption loan and have begun the paperwork for apply for that. However, they take 4-6 weeks to approve you. I am not sure if we can get a rush on that or not. I am also not sure if maybe God allowed the other loan to fall through because He wants to provide in other ways. We just really need His wisdom and direction as to what He wants us to do. Pray that if this is the baby he has for us that He provides the money that we need in the next 10 days. If anyone reading this feels like supporting us financially, the information on how to do that is on the right side of my blog.
I will most definitely update you after our meeting on Friday morning.
In my previous post, I told you how we had just lost our adoption loan last week. There was some confusion about that, I'm told. When I posted that we had all the money we needed, I was including a $10,000 special adoption loan that we were approved for. Now that they are not offering that loan anymore, we need $10,000 and we will need it very soon if this is the baby the Lord has for us. We have not owned our home very long, so we are not sure if we have enough equity yet to borrow against. We are looking into it. We found a place that offers a no-interest adoption loan and have begun the paperwork for apply for that. However, they take 4-6 weeks to approve you. I am not sure if we can get a rush on that or not. I am also not sure if maybe God allowed the other loan to fall through because He wants to provide in other ways. We just really need His wisdom and direction as to what He wants us to do. Pray that if this is the baby he has for us that He provides the money that we need in the next 10 days. If anyone reading this feels like supporting us financially, the information on how to do that is on the right side of my blog.
I will most definitely update you after our meeting on Friday morning.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A setback
We just got a letter in the mail that the bank we have our adoption loan approval through is revoking our approval effective immediately. It's is nothing we did. They are just not going to be doing those types of loans anymore and have ended their partnership with our adoption agency. We were approved for a $10,000 loan. It was a special loan with special terms, unlike any loan I've ever heard of before, and it was really designed to help adopting families bridge the gap between when the money is due to the agency and when you can claim the adoption tax credit. I am not sure what we will do now. I have some researching to do. But for now, we no longer have the money we need should we get a call. Please keep this situation in prayer and ask the Lord to give us wisdom and open the doors that will need to be opened.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sanctity of Life
Today is Sanctity of Life Sunday. Please take some time today to celebrate the value of human life. Pray for an end to abortion. Pray for women with unplanned pregnancies to choose life for their unborn babies and to know that it is ok to place their child for adoption if they can't parent. Pray also for God to birth a passion for adoption among His people.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Praise Report
I have a major praise report! (No, it's not a baby.) We now have all the money that we need in order to cover the adoption costs!! Praise the Lord for this answer to many, many prayers! We just received a large donation and then John got a bonus, so now we have it covered! Woohoo!
Friday, January 8, 2010
January
We've been back from our trip to Mississippi for a little over a week now. I would be lying if I said Christmas wasn't hard. I had been praying since the beginning that we would have our daughter in time to take to MS with us. I wanted her to be able to meet all of John's family, because we aren't going down there in 2010. So it was very hard on me emotionally to leave here without a baby. I know that we haven't been waiting very long and that most people wait a lot longer than this, but it was still hard. I kept hoping we'd get a call while we were down there, but that never happened. My heart would jump every time my mother in law's phone rang. I really thought it wouldn't be as hard for me to wait as it is for other people because I have been blessed to have three children already, but I was wrong. And the placement that fell through in November only made waiting even harder, because I had a daughter for two days and then I didn't anymore. There are some possibilities out there for this month and next month, but nothing is sure in adoption until the revocation period is over. So we continue to wait on the Lord's timing. Since I don't have much adoption news at the moment, I may post about family stuff a little more often.
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