Bethel

(I apologize in advance for any typos. I am not getting much sleep these days.)



After the Lord delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt through a series of miracles, he spoke these words to them.

"Be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." (Deut 6:12)

They forgot Him every time things got rough.

In Genesis, the Lord revealed Himself to Jacob in a place called Luz. Through a dream, He spoke to Jacob a promise concerning things to come. When Jacob woke up, he realized the Lord had spoken to him and that the place he was at was special because of that. He took the stone he had used a pillow the previous night and set it up as a pillar and he made a promise back to God. He renamed the area Bethel, which means house of God. Years later, God brought him back to this very spot and told Him to build an altar. God had done many things in Jacob's life during that time and had kept His promise to Jacob. So Jacob remembered the Lord's promise and how the Lord had always been with him and he built an altar in the very spot he had previously set up that stone pillar.

And now it is my turn to set up an altar in my Bethel. The Lord has spoken many things to me concerning this adoption and He has brought those things to pass. I do not want to be like the Israelites, who forgot what the Lord had done for them. So I want to share them here with all of you and worship the Lord for the things He has done.

I have always wanted a daughter. When the time came that I was actually in a position in life that that dream could become a reality, I was so excited. But the Lord did not see fit to bless us with a daughter of our own. I was certain that #2 was a girl. I just knew it! We did not have an ultrasound with him and I remember being disappointed when he came out and was a boy. It took me several days to accept that, and my poor son didn't even have a name for three days because we had not prepared a boy name. When I got pregnant the third time and we found out he was a boy, I was very upset. I struggled with my feelings for the majority of my pregnancy, but did finally come to a place where I was able to accept his gender before he was born and I am so glad I have him now. But the desire in my heart for a daughter was very strong, and I was upset with the Lord that he had not given me one. My pregnancies are not easy. I get nasty morning sickness that lasts all day, every day from week 6 until I deliver the baby. I even throw up while giving birth. It's like living with a perpetual stomach flu, only worse because at least with the stomach flu you feel better after you throw up. It is really hard to live that way. The first time, I was able to quit my job and lay around and wallow in self-pity. The second time, I had a 9 month old to care for when the sickness started. The third time, I had a 25 month old and 9 month old to care for. It just got harder and harder to deal with the morning sickness. It leads to depression in me and at several points during each pregnancy, I have been suicidal. My husband later told me that every time he called and I didn't answer the phone, he wondered if I had done something horrible to myself. I know that throwing up is not a reason to kill yourself, but when you are suffering from depression, you don't think logically. It's just not a good place to be, so after the third child, we decided to end our fertility. I love my boys with all my heart. Each one is unique and I am glad that the Lord has placed each one in our family. However, that desire for a girl just would not go away.

Then the Lord began showing me that He placed that desire there for a reason. There was a little girl He wanted to be a part of our family all along and she needed to come to us through adoption. He was in everything that had happened, bringing about His will for us, because we had given our lives to Him and asked Him to have his way in us. To be completely honest, if any of my boys had been a girl, we would have been done with our family and not pursued adoption...especially once we found out the cost. And I used to beg the Lord to take away my sickness during pregnancy. But now I see that it had to be that way. If I had easy pregnancies, I would have just kept trying for a biological girl. So the Lord needed to get us to a point where we didn't want to have children biologically anymore, but still had a very strong desire for a daughter. Otherwise, we wouldn't have pursued adoption. It's not that we were ever uncomfortable with adoption. We had even discussed being open to it before we were married. But then we had three kids in less than three years and that is a lot of work and we would have just decided that we had our hands full and should be happy that the Lord had blessed us with the ones we did have. So God worked it all out the way He needed it to be, because Hannah was meant to be a part of our family.

It's funny, because years ago, a friend compared me to Hannah in the Old Testament. The situation was different, but it was the hope in my heart that caused her to make the comparison. I don't even remember what I was hoping for anymore. I just remember the name. I had no idea how significant that name would later be in my life.

Last year, the Lord showed us it was time to move on the adoption process. I've already talked about the journey we have gone through concerning the change in how we view adoption, so I won't relive that part of the story. Yes, my motives started out selfishly, but the Lord is a Redeemer and he changed my desires. Here are the things that Lord spoke to me and how he brought those things to pass.


Promise: He told me He had a daughter for me.
Fulfillment: On February 26th, He gave us our daughter.

Shown to me: At the end of May '09 as I was cleaning my bathroom, the Lord clearly spoke to me and told me that this child's name was to be Hannah and impressed on my heart that she was already conceived. He spoke that last part to two others as well.
Fulfillment: Nine months later, Hannah was born. Because of the timing involved here, I believe the Lord gave me her name right around the time of her conception. Interestingly enough, I heard a story of a woman who this happened to and had thought it would be really cool if God did that for us too.

Promise: The Lord said He would provide for what he was calling us to do.
Fulfillment: He brought in all the money we needed. We had no idea where it was going to come from. He brought in the last $10,000 overnight the day before we met our baby. We had not previously had all the money we needed with the other baby in November, but just in time, God came through.


Prayer Request: I asked the Lord to bring us whichever child He had for us, but that if I could put in a request, could she please be biracial like our boys.
Answer: Hannah's birthfather is biracial. While we do not know what the other part of his ethnicity besides Black is, the fact remains that Hannah is mixed.

Prayer Request: I asked the Lord for the chance to meet our baby's birthmother.
Answer: Hannah's birthmother requested to meet us after choosing us from our profile. We were able to spend two hours getting to know each other and it was a good meeting.

Prayer Request: We prayed for the Lord's will to be done in the situation in November.
Answer: Though it was painful, the Lord did bring about His will. That was not the baby He had for us.


Shown to me: I have had the feeling all along that this would happen quickly.
Fulfillment: Though it was not quite as fast as I had originally thought, it still did happen quickly. From the time that our homestudy was approved until the time we brought Hannah home, it was just under 5 months. That is very fast in the adoption world.

Shown to me: I also felt all along like when it did happen, it was going to be all of a sudden. I just felt like we wouldn't be one of those couples that was matched up with a pregnant mom and who waited for her to deliver.
Fulfillment: Hannah's birthmother called our agency out of the blue, from the hospital, the day after Hannah was born and we were called later that day.

So as you can see, the Lord fulfilled many things He spoke to me with the placement of Hannah into our home. I Thessalonians 5:24 says:

"The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."

That is my favorite verse in the Bible, and it has been so true in our adoption. He's done it...everything He said He would do....He did it all. It was already done before I even knew it (which is something He spoke to a friend of mine back in November).

So now I just want to take some time to praise and thank the Lord publically, for He is a good God.

Lord, I thank you and praise you that you are faithful and that you do what you say you will do. I thank you that in your infinite wisdom, you have seen fit to grant me the desire of my heart, the desire that you placed there. I thank you that you have been weaving this story together long before I knew any of it, so that your will would be done. I thank you Lord, that you did not allow us to conceive a daughter biologically because we would not have the daughter we have now. I thank you that even through the hard times of morning sickness and depression, you were working your will in my life. I could not understand it then. Forgive me of my anger towards you. I thank you that even in those times, you raise up friends who prayed, who took my children to the park when I could not do anything, and who brought dinner for my family on bad days. I praise you, Lord, that you have plan for my life, for my family, and for Hannah and that know what you are doing. I praise you Lord, that you are a Redeemer and that even out of painful circumstances, you can bring good things. I thank you that you can take what seemed hopeless and redeem it so that your name is glorified. I thank you that you worked in the circumstances surrounding Hannah's conception and birth to use something very difficult and bring about something wonderful. Only you can do things like that Lord. Truly, there is no one like you. I thank you that you are a Waymaker Lord, and that you make a way where there seems to be no way. I thank you that you are Jehovah Jireh, the Lord my provider and for all the ways that you have provided for this adoption. I thank you Lord for each person that you raised up to pray with and for us and for Hannah's birthfamily. I thank you for each person that has sent us their hard earned money, because they wanted to be a part of what you were doing. I thank you for each one that came out to Cici's, took part in my Zumbathon in any way, donated to our yardsale, or shopped at our yardsale. I thank you for those who paid us for services in photography and sling making in order to support our adoption. I thank you for those who have brought, sent (or are planning to), or traded clothing and other baby items. I thank you for those who gave me things I wanted just (not necessarily needed) just so I could have girlie stuff. I thank you for those who have brought us meals so that in my exhaustion I could have one less thing to have to worry with. I thank you for the one who was willing to privately lend us $10,000 in good faith. Lord, I pray you bless all these people one hundred fold what they have given to us and that they would know how they have blessed us and that you are pleased with them. I thank you Lord for bringing so many wonderful people into our lives who love us. People who prayed with us, waited with us, were excited for us, cried with us in November, and are now rejoicing with us. Lord, who am I that I should be such a blessed woman? You have been so good to me. I thank you that you have a plan for this little girl's life and that you are allowing us to be a part of it. Thank you that our boys have taken right to their sister and love her so much already. Thank you for each and every thing you spoke to me that you have brought to pass. You are an awesome God and you are worthy of all praise. Who else can show us things that have not yet happened and then make them happen with such accuracy? No one else is like you, God. You alone are the Lord, and there is no other. I praise you, God, and I will serve you all of my days. Give us wisdom and strength to train this child in the way she should go. Be glorified in our lives and in our adoption and do all that you have in mind to do. Amen.