A piece of my heart......

A piece of my heart left today. In an unexpected turn of events, our little ladies have gone back to their mother on short notice. The plan concerning them has changed many times, but all of the plans had at least the older two girls staying for 3-6 more months. So we didn't really see this coming. This is the part that I didn't really want to deal with. It's the part that's kept me from saying yes to this ministry for years. My kids are devastated and John and I are pretty sad too. These girls are awesome kids. They quickly worked their way into our hearts and they fit right into our family. We truly love them. We have endeavored from the start to think of them like they were ours and to treat them as our own. There was no " foster kids" and "my kids." They were all my babies. The hard part of that is that when they leave, it feels like your children have left you. There is a noticeable hole. But none of them are really mine anyhow, even the ones birthed from my body. They are all the Lord's and He will do as He sees fit. 

My girls were excited to be with their mom again. They have been here for 3.5 months now and haven't even seen their mom in a month. They were counting down the days. Meanwhile, their excitement was causing pain in the hearts of the four who share my last name. Those four were dreading this day. The girls are sisters to them. They have loved being with them and it's been a big play party all summer. Hannah has not always enjoyed sharing her stuff or her parents, but she has enjoyed having sisters around. I have been preparing them for this day since the beginning, but nothing truly prepares you for the first time it actually happens. I told them that this is part of the sacrifice that God is asking us to make in order to minister to the little ones who need to know his love. Then some words came out of my mouth that did not come from my brain. I told them that God understands our pain even in this and He has been there. He had to let his son go. His son wasn't going to a good situation either, but He had to let him go in order to make a way for man back to God. And we have to let our kids go in order for more kids to be able come here and learn of God's love for them. They got it. They are seeking to do what God has called them to do, even when it hurts. Their parents are seeking the same. We all just want God's will to be done. 

It's bittersweet. They do need to be with their mama and we are glad for them that they are reunited. It is hard not knowing how things will turn out. They aren't going back to the best of situations. But they are the Lord's and so we entrust them to God's care. He loves them more than we do and He will watch over them. Please keep the girls and their mama in your prayers. 

Pray for us too. This is really hard. We are going to take a few days off from school and a week or two off from fostering. We have some things around here that have been neglected that it will be nice to have time to do (like cut the grass--sorry neighbors!) Then we will reevaluate how everyone is doing. If we're doing alright, we will go back to being open for placements within our original age range of 0-3. But I don't know what God has in store, so you never know when he may ask us to be available for his use in a way we were not expecting, as He did in this situation. So we will see where He leads. We do not regret taking in these three at all, not even a little bit. They are awesome little girls and they are hungry for the truth. We have had more opportunities to speak truth and show love than we ever imagined and we are thankful for that. Their hearts were definitely like fertile ground and I pray that the seeds we planted will grow to produce a harvest of righteousness in these girls and their mom. I pray they will not need to re-enter foster care, but if they do, they are welcome back here at anytime. 

I know several people are wondering how the school thing was going, as I had expressed some fear about that. I did ask for permission to homeschool and was denied. So I registered them

for public school. Things were going pretty well, although it's only been a few weeks since school started. They both loved their teachers and were making friends and fitting in. They were happy there. The teachers and I had great communication and I have no complaints about them. I'm still not a morning person, so one of the hard things for me was getting up at 6 so the girls could meet the bus at 7. The amount of requests I was getting to volunteer for something was also a little annoying. Having to deal with a completely different system was tricky at times. For example, they do math very differently in the schools here than the way I learned and the way I teach my children. So I had to try to figure it out before I could help with math problems. But in general, things were going well. Do I plan to take in more school aged kids? Not unless God asks me to.

  One of the hardest things for me was losing our vacation this year. We always vacation the week of Labor Day. Things are much cheaper that week because most kids are back in school and it is considered the off season, but the weather is still warm. We didn't even put it together right away that having kids in public school would mess with that. But then I had asked to homeschool and thought they would say yes because my social worker and the girls' mom were both on board. So we thought we might still get to go and take the girls. But I was not given an answer until the week before school started and it was too late then. I tried to find something to do over Labor Day weekend, but I couldn't find anything fun and affordable. Accommodations for this many people on a holiday weekend are very pricey. So John took his week of leave the week the girls started school and did stuff around the house. I am not a "staycation" person. Staying home is NOT a vacation to me. I like to get away from the house. This house is my workplace. I prefer to go somewhere else for a vacation....somewhere where my to do list isn't staring at me. When John stays home, he's left his workplace behind. It's not so for me. We've been on vacation every year since we've been married, so giving this up to get up at 6 am for the bus was and still is extremely hard for me. I know some people never get to go, but when you are used to going annually, it's hard to give that up. We can't go now. John is about to start harvesting. He's already back to working Saturdays for the season and he is not supposed to take vacation time during the busy seasons of planting or harvesting (which we knew going into this). He will be busy until December now. So the opportunity is gone for the year. But I'm trying to be ok with it. It's one of the many unexpected sacrifices God is asking us to make for his kingdom, and I want to say yes to his call.  Oh, how I wish you could at least see the ocean from somewhere near here. I miss it so badly. But, the girls are worth all the sacrifices. Knowing I will see them in heaven one day because the Lord allowed me to lead them to Christ is worth not having a vacation and getting up early and all the other things too. And I'm also thankful for the chance for my kids to see mom put her faith into action even when it hurts. I want them to see a mom who lives what she says she believes. I want that to encourage them to do the same. 

We will miss you, girls. XOXOXO