I have been asked what Hannah's middle name is going to be. It will be My'isha (My eesha). Her mother named her that and asked that we incorporate it as part of her name. The name is a name that has special significance for her. It was the name of a person in her family that she had a very special bond with. This person passed away from cancer and the birthmother misses her greatly and wanted to honor her memory in this way.
As far as Friday goes, we have set a time to start the placement process. We will be meeting with our social worker at 10am to do some placement paperwork. When that is all completed, we will travel to the office where the baby is and pick Hannah up from there. Then we will bring her home with us.
Some of you have been asking about how I am doing. I have mixed feelings right now. Part of me is wanting to get very excited, but the other part of me feels wrong about being happy to have this baby. I am happy to have a daughter, but the circumstances under which it is happening are very sad. My heart just breaks for our birthmother. I cannot imagine having to make this kind of choice. I told someone the other day that it is very sad that our joy is the result of someone else's pain. And it's not just our birthmother either. There are some young girls who are also in pain and will grow up without their sister in their every day lives. Yes, we will keep a relationship with them, but it still won't be the same. I said that if she does change her mind, part of me would be happy for them. I knew going into this that it would be a hard decision for our baby's birthmother. I've been praying for this unknown person for months now. I just kind of figured it would be a young single woman who wasn't ready to be a mommy yet. I didn't really expect a situation like this one, where a family is being ripped apart, against the wishes of some of it's members (the girls would like their mother to keep the baby.) It's very difficult to know how to feel sometimes. I am happy to have a little girl. I am in awe of all that God has done to get us to this point. It is neat see things He promised me awhile ago now come to fruition. I definitely look forward to all that having a daughter means- from buying little frilly dresses and Barbies, to mother/daughter pedicure appointments, to high school crushes, to being mother of the bride, to watching her become a mother herself one day. But it is all very bittersweet because I know there is a family that will never be the same again. It is hard to think that while we rejoice on Friday night, Hannah's birthmother will probably be home crying her eyes out because she can no longer change her mind. It's just a really hard spot to be in and I didn't expect to feel this way. I really hope you all will continue to pray for their family long after our adoption is finalized.
Hey Nikki,
ReplyDeleteI can TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. This is so hard for the birth family. I was adopted. And let me tell you, it was the best thing my birth mother could ahve done for me. Despite this womand pain, she is acting in wisdom in love and someday she will find peace. I know it. And, she is setting a really good example for her daughters. She is showing them that babies aren't toys you just have and keep to play with. Children are hard work and a lot of money and you cant just have a baby without consequences good and bad.
My mother was 18 when I was born, I was supposed to go to a family right away but after the labor and delivery she changed her mind. It was all about her selfishness. She had no money, no job, no college she just "wanted me". She "raised me" (if you can call it that) for 3.5 very rough and tumultious years very life-long scarring years and then realized, she couldn't afford me, couldn't care for me the way she needed to and then at age 4 I was given up for adoption. That made her hurt but it hurt me more. It'd have been better if she mourned the first year but let me go rather then holding on. This mom is doing an AMAZING thing. And she is setting the right example for her kids she really is, even if they are angry now. One day when they are mothers they will realize how hard it is and respect their mom for her hard decision.
A word of caution to you would be to be very careful about the boundries and visitation between Hannah and her biological sisters. Once I was adopted, it was an open adoption. My birth mom would write to me and I her, and she would come visit every so often. It was really hard on me, though I loved her, I really loved my adopted mom and it was hard for me to feel torn between the two. As I grew up I started to resent my birth mom - my circumstance was a little different but I imagine it might be difficult for Hannah to see these people once a year - she may want to have a relationship, and they will spoil her which could cause issues with her brothers, and if they don't get to have a relationship with her more then the one visit per year, they may be all teary eyed and upset and that will hurt and confuse Hannah especially if she sees them as fun and wants to play with them more and then sees you as the bad guy for only allowing a once a year visit. I definately think you'd want to talk to a psychologist that specializes in this so that you have a plan to work through how to deal with this!
But don't feel bad in rejoicing. You are doing Hannah a bigger favor then you will ever know! Trust me. As an adoptee, I KNOW! :-) Hugs mama!
Love ya.
PS, I just remembered, my when I was officially handed over to my new family, my parents (the adopted ones) had bought a locket for my birth mom and put a picture of me in it. It meant a lot to her. That and a nice letter or poem or pray might be a good gift to give to Hannahs birth mom. I know she would treasure it and appreciate your kindness. Just a thought.